Possess Your Heart
by CosmicAutumnRebel
Summary: Eric Cartman's life had never been perfect. And it got much worse during Sophmore year. Kyman and Buttman, with some other various background couples and a bit of ship tease between everyone else. Longer summary inside, constructive criticism highly encouraged. Art by z-kakka
1. Foreword

Title: Possess Your Heart

Author: CosmicAutumnRebel

Summary: Eric Cartman's life had never been perfect. And it got much worse during Sophmore year. As much as he wanted love and respect, he'd had his methods all wrong in his younger years, and had, well... permanently, royally fucked up many of his relationships. Afraid to go after the one he truly loved, he entered into a highly abusive relationship, emotionally and physically. But after he stands up for himself and breaks away, he finds that sometimes things work out the way you wanted them to after all.

Rating; M

Warnings: Abuse: physical, emotional, and sexual, in multiple situations. Mentions of self-harm. Mentions of sex and masturbation, and probably more than just a few implications in later chapters. Lots of language-this is South Park, right? And there are sure to be a few more 'squicky' things throughout.

Notes: I was originally writing this story back in February, and I was planning to enter it into the South Park Big Bang. But I dropped out, and left the internet in March. Yes, I left the entire internet. Amazing, right?

But the story. Right. The idea has honestly been with me since I started liking Butters/Cartman, so about a year. And I started writing it in February. My wonderful friend Maria has been my beta reader the entire time, and I plan to keep her as my editor because she does a fantastic job.

I would like to thank: The aforementioned Maria. She is an extraordinary girl in an ordinary world, and is honestly one of my biggest inspirations.

My fantastic super best friend, Corrina. She was voluminously supportive of my ideas, and helped me fine-tune the plot.

Jamie, Edith, and Erica, the holy trinity of Buttman shippers.

Uki, who persuaded me to write a long fic in the first place.


	2. Pulling Teeth

Reclining back on his bed, a stocky fifteen-year-old boy exhaled shakily. He'd just gotten home from his boyfriend's house.

The past six months had been an absolute emotional whirlwind. At the beginning of tenth grade, he had recognized the antipathetic feelings he held towards Kyle Broflovski were truly feelings of attraction... lust, or jealousy, perhaps? Kyle had grinned twistedly on that brisk, fateful morning in late August, insulted Cartman's weight in a few various ways, and invited him over after school.

That was the day Cartman lost his virginity. Not exactly by choice, but because Kyle had convinced him that he'd consider returning Cartman's feelings if they had sex. Chills went down his spine as he reflected mentally on the feeling. Kyle's erect cock sliding inside him...the uncomfortable and...well, painful sensation in his anus because Kyle didn't use any lube...the embarrassment and crimson flooding his cheeks as he passed wind during their embrace. Yet it was almost worth hearing Kyle's laughter over his pain, because the object of his affections had deflowered him.

After a few weeks of bi-daily intercourse, Kyle got a little more aggressive. He'd insult the shorter boy during sex-not in a flirty, sexual way, but in his typical angry fashion. Cartman had begun cutting down on the 'Jew' remarks by this time, and he'd even tried to lose weight for Kyle. But nothing really changed.

It was about the time that Kyle began getting aggressive outside of sex that Cartman began to question his feelings. Was he really in love with the boy who tripped him on his way out the double-doors of the school, the boy who cheated on him with half of the girls in class, who 'accidentally' hit him in the face with a locker and broke his nose [twice...], who let the entire class know how many stretch marks ran up and down his stomach?

Cartman had broken up with Kyle before. But somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to leave his boyfriend.

The only person who knew what all was going on in between Kyle and Cartman-or, as he'd nicknamed them one day after smoking a particularly large amount of weed, Fluffy and Bones-was Kenny McCormick. He was the one person Cartman felt he could trust with the details of his relationship. Kenny didn't always give the greatest advice (Cartman had already tried 'dumping the little bitch'), he was the kind of guy who'd listen all you needed and never interrupt you. Cartman sighed. He knew he was going to be stuck in long sleeves again because of the bruises, and a turtleneck to cover the marks on his neck. He rolled over, turning off the Lady Gaga song blaring from his iPod, and tried to get some shut-eye before breaking up with Kyle.

The next morning, he woke up with a decent feeling. 'I can do this. I can fucking do this,' he repeated in his mind. Stripping off his pajamas, he glared at his reflection in the mirror. "Stupid burn marks", he thought aloud. "Stupid bruises. Stupid marks from being choked. I don't deserve this."

He yanked on a maroon turtleneck, layering a sweater-vest on top and folding the shirt's collar over the vest's. Then, he bent over and felt around in his drawer for his favorite sweatpants. He rubbed his cheek against the soft, worn brown cotton before pulling them up onto his waist.

Running a hand through his hair, Eric looked at himself. Was he really horrible, worthless, ugly scum like Kyle told him every day? Did he deserve the intense blows he took every day because of his past ignorance? Should he just die, like everyone told him? Sighing, Cartman turned away from the mirror and slowly strolled into the bathroom.

Two fingers held his eyelids out of the way as he pressed the contact lens to his eye. He blinked repeatedly, adjusting to the refreshing feeling of clear sight, before inserting the other lens.

He inhaled, then stared into the mirror, preparing himself for the absolute shitstorm inevitably approaching him.

On the bus, Cartman braced himself for the worst. What if Kyle gets angry? What if he beat him up...or worse? He was still really embarrassed over that fight with Wendy in, what...3rd, 4th grade?

No...no, Kyle wouldn't do that.

Would he? Cartman thought back to the day Kyle had punched him in the mouth, sending his retainer up into his top lip. He had to lie and say that he'd fallen on the sidewalk and it had slipped off his teeth and out of his mouth. And man, was that painful at the hospital when they removed it. Damn his extra body weight for rendering the anesthesia ineffective!

Cartman sighed. He blamed his dumpy, lazy ass for most of his problems. 'If I was thin...Kyle might respect me...' he wishfully mused in his mind.

Little did he know that a certain someone preferred him the way he was.


	3. Begin Again

Cartman reassured himself. He could do this. He could fucking do this.

"Um...Kahl?"

He reached up and tapped the tall, muscular boy on the shoulder. Kyle turned around, rolling his eyes.

"Whaddaya want now, Cartman?"

"I'm...breaking up with you."

"What?"

"I'm not your boyfriend anymore."

"Hey, Cartman. I'll let you in on a little secret: YOU NEVER WERE."

"What? I thought-"

Kyle cut him off. "You thought wrong. I hate you, I always have, and I always fucking will. You're nothing but an ugly, socially inept, fat retard. You're everything I never wanted."

Cartman squeezed his eyes shut and sped out of the building.

By the time he got home, he was so out of breath, he collapsed on the floor. Lying on the ground, he inhaled and exhaled gently until his lungs felt less like a blood pressure monitor and more like a breathing organ. Liane heard him slam the door behind himself, and she stepped into the foyer.

"Oh, Eric..."

"A-and then Kyle called me ugly, and he said I was a retard..."

Cartman was curled up into a little ball in his mother's lap. At 5'1 and 250 pounds, he wasn't easy to hold, but Liane, with her long limbs and flexibility, was able to pull it off.

"Oh, Eric...oh, oh, oh...you know that's not true."

"Yes it is...I'm fat, a-and I can't do math..."

"Sweetie, you are perfect."

"No I'm not! I'm stupid and my ass is too big..."

Liane was silent. She knew that something was wrong when her son, who typically complained of being too hot, was wearing two or three layers of clothing every day. And he certainly wasn't eating as much as he had been, either. It had all started falling into place in her mind. Liane still wondered if she was truly fit to be a mother. She had suffered the occasional drug relapse, and she hadn't exactly been chaste after her son was born, but she definitely tried.

Even though her son was bigoted as a young child, she'd caught on by the time he turned eleven and began teaching him about respecting other people.

"I'll be right back," Liane chimed, rushing upstairs. She flicked through her closet until she came across exactly what she wanted. Liane pulled the outfit off of the hanger, and carried it down to her son. "I've seen you borrow this before, Eric, and I know how happy it makes you."

A deep, almost beet-red blush formed over Cartman's cheeks. He was silent, for he hadn't the faintest notion what to say. Finally, he managed to sputter an incoherent "You...I...the...maid..."

Liane smiled, holding it out to him. "You can wear it, Eric. I understand." Silently, the fifteen year old slipped his vest off, then his pants, and then, sighing loudly, his turtleneck, revealing his injuries. "Aww, baby, how'd you get hurt?"

"I-it's nothing..." he blurted, struggling into the outfit.

"Did Kyle do that too?"

Cartman shut his eyes and sighed. "Yes."

Liane coiled her arms around her son's waist.

"How about I make you some ice cream, with aspirin and hot fudge?"

He sniffed. "Ju-just ice cream and aspirin, no hot fudge?"

"Oh...of course."

After seven pints of ice cream, Cartman felt far more relieved. He lied on the couch, head in his mother's lap, legs swung over the side. Meanwhile, outside, somewhat tall, thin boy with golden hair approached their doorstep. He slid the hem of his shirt up and down, up and down between his fingers. A million thoughts flew through his mind.

After Kyle and Cartman had gotten together, Butters' crush on Cartman had grown more obvious than ever. Ever since then, he'd been wishfully daydreaming about sweeping the chubby brunette off his feet during work.

Ugh, work.

Butters' palms were a little calloused from being a busboy at his mom's bakery. It was, admittedly, a pain in the buns, but scrubbing dried icing, cupcake crumbs, and who-knows-what-else off of porcelain plates paid just enough for extravagance...plus a bit left over for his college fund.

Butters had felt a lot of dissonance in his life since he reached middle school. Aside from the baffling schedule he had to deal with during the day, he'd come home to his parents.

Stephen had taken his punishment methods further than grounding. And on one particularly windy November night, Butters had arrived home from the library at 7:03 pm.

Three minutes past curfew.

Mr. Stotch had been positively livid.

"Butters! You were supposed to be back home at seven."

"Sir, I-I would've called, but..." Butters silently held up the totaled cell phone that had slipped out of his jacket pocket while he was running.

"You stayed out late, AND you destroyed your phone? You're nothing but a low-life bastard, mister!"

"D-Dad..."

"You are to refer to me as 'Sir', and nothing but!"

"Yes, Sir..." Butters' eyes teared up as he bent over, knowing what was coming to him.

Stephen took off his belt.

At that moment, a thought burst in Butters' mind. Why didn't any of his friends' parents beat up their kids when they were angry? It finally stuck Butters: hitting your kid wasn't normal!

"Y-you know what, dad? I'm not gonna take it!" Butters stood up and grasped the end of the belt in his own hand. "It's just not normal to hit your kid!"

The next day, during lunch break, Butters slipped next door to the police station to tell them about his father. And the cops took away that mean ol' man!

Butters' mom was as relieved as her son. Stephen had been verbally aggressive to her more than once, and sometimes she wanted to go to the police herself. Now that her husband wasn't controlling her, she was far calmer. The downside? She was busy as a single parent, too busy to keep her job as a scientist. What was she to do?

Open her own business, of course. "Linda's Luscious Sweets and Bakery" was opened, right next to Tweak Coffee. Her business strived, and when Butters turned fourteen, she taught him how to bake. He was a proficient cook, but his decorating skills were sub-par.

Linda hired her son as a busboy. He was fantastic at scrubbing dishes, but still aspired to craft amazing, aesthetically pleasing cakes, so in her spare time, she tried to train him in the art of decorating. It was a slow process, but in recent weeks, he'd begun to get the hang of it. His decorations weren't good enough to put on sale, though, so he got to keep them.

'Today's cupcake had turned out great', Butters thought, 'but not quite good enough for fellas to buy.'

In his hands, he held an opaque, red plastic dish. The lid was tightly sealed. And inside was the cupcake.

Breathing out, Butters pressed his fingertip to the round, silver button alongside the doorframe.


	4. Cover Me

"Mom, someone's at the door," Cartman chimed, saying what might have been, at that moment, the most painstakingly obvious thing in the world.

"Oh, poopsikins...I'll get it." Liane propped her son up with a few pillows, then strode over to the door and glanced through the peephole. When she saw the blonde mohawk, she recognized exactly who was outside her door and swung it wide open.

"Oh, hello, Butters! I'm sure Eric is happy to see you!"

At the mention of Butters' name, Cartman was indeed happy to see him.

Maybe a bit too happy.

"B-Butters?" Cartman yelped as he yanked the blanket up over the soft cotton outfit, obscuring both the frilly monochromatic costume and his growing erection. "Uh, glad to see you here..."

"Oh, you too, Eric! I've been worried about you all day...er...jeez, hi, Miss Cartman, sorry 'bout bein' rude."

"Oh, it's no problem. Go on, Butters," she replied, her voice ringing through the air.

"Can I sit down next to Eric?"

"Of course!"

Butters stepped in and plunked down next to his chestnut-haired companion. "Hey Eric, I brought you your homework and a treat." He grinned.

Cartman's ears perked up at that last word. "Treat?"

"Y-yeah, I brought you a cuppy-cake from the bakery!"

Restraining himself from rolling his eyes at the childish phrasing, Cartman smiled and grasped the container. He popped off the lid.

"Butters..."

Cartman really had nothing else to say. The cupcake was beautifully decorated. Turquoise frosting covered the surface, with a yellow dollop topping it. The wrapper was red, and the inside was Cartman's favorite flavor: chocolate, with caramel filling.

"Oh boy, Eric...you like it, don't you?"

Silently, Cartman set the cupcake on the end table and wrapped his arms around Butters' shoulders. He'd done all this just to cheer him up.

"But really, Eric, I've got a few important things to tell you."

"Oh yeah? Shoot."

"Kenny told me what was happenin' between you and Kyle."

"H-he...Kenny...told you...that?"

"Y-yeah...it was pretty bad, if Kenny had his facts straight."

"Well...what all'd he tell you?"

"He told me about Kyle hittin' you, and...stickin' his wiener up your  
anus without you knowin'."

"Fuckin' Kenny...blurting everything out when he's stoned off his ass!"

"Oh no, Eric, his ass was still part of 'im."

Cartman pressed his fingers to the sides of his head.

"Anyway, what the fuck's in that bag?"

"Our teachers wanted you to do your homework, so I brought ya everything they a-assigned."

"Screw that..."

Liane stepped into the living room with tea and cookies. "Who wants snacks?"

Both boys' hands shot straight up into the air.

"Me! Me!" Cartman shouted, springing up from under the blanket, revealing his...interesting outfit. He stood up on tiptoe and grabbed the tray from his mother. "Thanks!"

As he brought it over to the couch, he tilted the tray, and a cookie slid off of the plate and onto the floor. Cartman rushed over, hurriedly setting the tray in Butters' lap, and bent down to pick up the lost treat. And when he bent over, the short skirt of the maid dress rode up to mid-back, revealing his underwear.

A pink, lacy thong.

"Uh-Eric, I can see your panties stickin' out."

"What?!" Cartman yelped as he jerked the hem of the dress down and dove under the blanket. His collision with the couch splashed the tea onto the blanket.

"Fuck this!" Cartman angrily thrust the blanket onto the floor.

"Oh, and Scott Malkinson says he missed you in choir today, you usually remind him to take his insulin." Butters nonchalantly informed him, suavely changing the subject.

"Agh, of course I do! I don't want him passing out on me and drooling  
or whatever gross geeks like him do."

"Oh," Butters replied. He had this inexplicable admiration for Cartman's outspoken and, well, blunt manner, especially that he said and did whatever he wanted to.

Truthfully, Butters had volunteered to bring Cartman his homework. He'd really wanted to see him. Eric was his best friend! And, well, he made Butters feel a little funny. He had such a cute little wiener, and his butt was like a...a big mountain of pudding. Plus, who else did Butters know who was as soft and cushy to cuddle as Eric?

"Ya know, I've been plannin' a sleepover for a month or so, and...I was kinda hoping you'd come," Butters piped up.

Cartman looked up at Butters. "A sleepover? When? I'll have to check my schedule..." he replied, pulling out his smartphone and pretending to look at his calendar.

"I'm gonna have it on this Friday night! Would you...maybe w-wanna come?" Butters mentally prayed that his friend would say yes.

Cartman flicked the screen of his iPhone as he nonchalantly muttered, "Meh, I guess I'll come. But if it's lame, I'm leaving."

In truth, Cartman was doing mental somersaults and the victory dance.


	5. Stay the Night

The next few days were a total drag for Cartman. Every minute seemed to last an hour. All he could think about was Butters' upcoming sleepover! Finally, Friday came, and as soon as he got home, Cartman grabbed his already-packed duffel bag and jumped in the car. Of course he wasn't going to walk two blocks to Butters' house!

Cartman thrust the door open, greeting a few other boys: Clyde, who was eating chocolate, Scott Malkinson, who was running warm water on his arm so he could find a vein to inject his insulin into, and Kenny, who was digging through the closet.

Butters immediately took notice of Cartman's arrival. "Fellas, fellas! Eric's here!"

The other boys looked up from their grave missions to greet the newcomer. "Yo, Cartman! Heh, I was just lookin' for a lighter so I could...y'know." Kenny mimed lighting a blunt with his fingers, playfully laughing at Cartman's facial reaction.

Clyde pranced in, waving quietly. He held out a bar of milk chocolate as he swallowed his own mouthful. "Want some? It's Ghirardelli."

Cartman took the chocolate bar from Clyde's hand as he cracked a smile. Clyde had always been pretty flirty towards Cartman, but Cartman had his eyes on a different boy.

Scott Malkinson was the last to arrive into the foyer. "Hey Eric," he said, "I was just taking my insulin."

One less annoying thing about Scott, since he'd gotten his braces off, was his lisp...or lack thereof. His front teeth had been slanted backwards, catching on his tongue when he tried pronouncing an 's'. Kenny leaned on Cartman's shoulder. "Heyyyyyyyy, man!"

"Ugh. Off me, you dirty pothead," Cartman scoffed, shoving Kenny away.

"Oooookaaaaay!" Kenny replied, in a vocal pitch comically deeper than usual.

"Ugh." Cartman groaned, handwaving Kenny.

"Well, fellas, it's d-dinnertime, so let's go eat! My mom got us KFC."

After dinner (which was mostly consumed by Cartman), the boys pooled themselves together and crowded into the living room to watch a movie.

"Remember how controversial this movie was when it came out?" Kenny snickered, eliciting a mix of laughs and groans from the others.

"Don't remind me...I like to keep NICE memories of my mother, not crappy moments of extremism," Clyde muttered, rolling his eyes.

The boys all had this movie memorized, so they mostly talked and laughed amongst each other. About 45 minutes in, Cartman was half-asleep on the couch next to Butters, his pale, slightly bloated stomach poking out from his snug hoodie. Butters looked at Cartman's midriff. "Now, aren't you adorable..." Butters remarked sweetly as he curiously poked at his friend's roll.

"B-Butters..." Cartman leaned into aforementioned boy's lap, his lips curling up into a smile.

"Uh, well, that's me, Eric..."

"Geez..." Cartman didn't know how to respond.

"Y-you want me to rub your tummy?" Butters asked innocuously, placing his hand atop the shorter boy's stomach.

Cartman's eyes widened. "Yeah, Butters...uhhh." He wasn't declining, but it was making him feel slightly awkward.

Butters gently touched Cartman, fingertips caressing the surface of his soft skin. Cartman closed his eyes, smiling a bit. He secretly loved getting massages.

Butters felt really good. He could feel his wiener stickin' out, poking towards Eric. It must be the compass, pointing towards his best friend! And Eric's tummy was so soft and squishy, like a good pillow. The curve of his hips was beautiful, like one of those Greek statues he'd studied in art class.

Before they knew it, the movie was over. "Hey guys, let's go upstairs and have a wild orgy!" Kenny suggested.

"No Kenny, I don't have any fruit, except for apples. I wish I had some bananas or orgies, but tonight it's just not happenin'. Sorry, fellas," Butters blurted out.

Cartman giggled to himself. Butters was so stupid, but it was cute in the weirdest of ways. "How about we tell each other secrets?" Scott piped up.

It was unanimous. They headed upstairs.

Scott volunteered to go first. "I am so glad to be getting this out. Butters already knows because we did it together... but I jerk off to gay porn. No homo."

Kenny fell on his front laughing. "I JERK OFF TO GAY PORN, NO HOMO!" he repeated.

Cartman glanced aside to Clyde, whispering, "No homo" in his ear.

Clyde, out loud, chimed, "No homo."

Scott, laughing at himself as he'd learned to do around fifth grade, shouted, "No homo!"

Butters joined in. "NO HOMO." he stated loudly, in a bassy pitch.

Kenny, once again, let out a loud whoop and screeched, "NOOOO HOMO! Goodnight, everybo-day! I'll be here all week!"

Clyde gulped. "I've gotta tell you this, but it's so embarrassing..."

"Go ahead, Clyde. It's all okay." Butters reassured his friend.

Clyde took a deep breath. "Okaaay. I... I had a shrine to Cartman in my closet until I was thirteen."

"WHAT?" Cartman yelped, eyes wide with shock. "Why me?"

"Cause you're so eloquent, and I wanted to be confident like you."

Cartman stared down at his hands. He wasn't as confident as everyone thought he was...or was he?

He decided to put his confidence to the test. He was going to tell his secret.

"Okay, guys, this one's kind of a doozy. I, uh, I'm gay..." Cartman blurted out, sharing the first part of his confession.

"We know, Eric. We know you're gay," Clyde deadpanned. "We've known for sure since you asked me to sleep with you in fourth grade."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah..." Clyde pursed his lips.

"Anyway, I bet you knew this part already, too...I wanna be a drag queen when I grow up."

"What're you gonna drag?" Butters asked, innocent teal eyes narrowing in bepuzzlement.

Kenny socked him. "You dumbass, a drag queen doesn't drag anything. A drag queen's a dude who dresses like a chick for fun and profit."

"Ohhhh. Well, i-if it's any help, Eric, I think you make a cute chick. In fact, I was about to tell everyone what I think."

Butters smiled. "Fellas, I'm in love with someone. I like girls a lot, but there's this one boy...an', oh yeah, he's real special. H-he's got the softest brown hair, an' he's kinda soft and squishy, like a lady."

Cartman's face went bright red. He knew exactly who Butters meant, and boy, was he jealous of Clyde.

"A-And that's not even the best part! He's soooo sexy. His butt is like a biiig mountain of pudding. Gee whiz, am I head-over-heels for Eric!"

Cartman's jaw was on the floor.

"Who, ME? Me? Butters? Butters likes ME?" he blabbered unintelligently, purely out of shock. Butters liked him! He, Eric Cartman, was the object of Butters' affection! And he didn't care what anyone else thought. Cartman got up and danced around the room.


	6. Feels Good At First

"Eric, can I talk to you?"  
"Um. Sure, Butters. What's going on?"  
The two boys stood in the hall, outside a classroom. Cartman slammed his locker and turned to his blonde companion. "Shoot."  
"A-are you taking anyone to the dance?"  
Cartman burst out laughing. "As if! You know I can't dance, Butters, and even if I could, who would I go with? Girls are disgusting and I'm not letting everyone know how queer I am."  
"W-well, I was thinking...I don't have a date, either. Wendy's goin' with Stan, Clyde and Bebe are dating...and Kyle's taking Lola."  
"Kyle... has a date to the dance?"  
"Well, I think so...he's been talkin' about it a whole lot."  
"Why didn't you fucking tell me, Butters? I've gotta get a date! If Kyle sees that I didn't go wiith anyone, he's gonna rag on me like hell! Do you know anyone who'd go with me?"  
"Um...well, Eric, I was thinkin' I could go with you? I really like you!"  
Cartman mentally weighed his options. If he went with Butters, Butters would ask him to dance, plus he'd be exposing his sexuality to every attendee. If he didn't go with anyone, he'd be branded an undatable loser.  
"Yeah, Butters, I'll go with you. But I don't wanna dance too much..."  
"Great!" Butters shouted, grabbing Cartman around the waist ans hugging him, sending him up against the row of lockers.  
"Butters, there's a stain on the collar of your blink-182 shirt... and I'd know because it was UP IN MY FACE!"  
"Oh, geez, I'm sorry, Eric...I'll go wash it off!" Butters sped towards his locker to dig for his Tide stick.  
Cartman shook his head.

It had been two weeks since Butters confessed his love of Cartman and his magical, wonderful ass.  
It had been one week since Butters asked Cartman to the dance.  
And now, Cartman was standing in the middle of the gymnasium, in a suit, at the fucking school dance.  
With Butters.  
"Butters, you ass! I told you, I can't dance!"  
"J-just try it with me, Eric..."  
Cartman groaned. "Fine...but you gotta promise not to laugh."  
"I promise."  
Butters grasped Cartman's hands, weaving his own wiry fingers through Cartman's thicker, sausage-like ones. He began to take a step to the side, and...  
"FUCK!"  
Cartman was sprawled on the gym floor, holding his leg. "My shoe got stuck in someone's gross chewed gum, and I fell! And now my leg hurts like hell..."  
"Uh, Miss Brady? Eric fell over, and he injured himself..."  
The chaperone rushed over, kneeling down to help the boy sit up. "Oh, you poor thing..." she hummed, taking his ankle in her hand.  
"Ow!" Cartman screeched, pupils dilated.  
"Honey, I think we're gonna need an ambulance..."  
Cartman was rushed into the ER, and x-rayed rather uncomfortably. When the scans came out, it was evident that Eric Cartman wouldn't be dancing for a while; he'd sprained his ankle on a fucking piece of chewed gum.  
Cartman spent the next day in room 69, his leg elevated. "This is fucking weak..." he groaned, bored out of his mind.  
"Eric," the nurse chimed, "you have a visitor."  
Cartman rolled his eyes. It was probably just someone dumb, like Kyle coming to gloat...  
A blonde, mohawked head poked in the door, glancing around with sea-green eyes before stepping in.  
"Butters, what're you doing here?"  
"I-I came to bring you a cupcake, Eric. It's real special..."  
Cartman raised his eyebrows. "A cupcake, huh? Hmm..."  
Butters placed the plastic container down on the side table and sat down at the foot of his friend's bed. "I tried decorating again. My mom said I'm gettin' real good at making this stuff..."  
"That's one damn fine cupcake..."

"Thanks, Eric! I made it with a special message..."

Cartman squinted and looked closer. If he stared carefully, he could see 'GET WELL SOON' etched into the icing, probably with a toothpick.  
Cartman set down the cupcake and hugged Butters. "You're amazing..."  
"Wull, thanks, Eric...I was try'na help you feel better while youre all cooped up in here."  
"Heh." Cartman smiled as he took a bite.  
"You know, you're cute when you eat..." Butters observed, innocently resting his hand on Cartman's stomach.  
Y'know, because he had next to no idea that it was Cartman's number-one turn-on.  
Cartman squirmed a bit. "Uh...B-Butters...ahhh, that feels nice. Geez, is it hot in here?"

Slowly and a bit mindlessly, Cartman slid off his shirt. Butters watched in interest. "Well, now it sure is hot in here..." he muttered, winking.

"Geez, Butters. Maybe you're not as innocent as I took you for..." Cartman replied quietly, cracking a smile.

"I'm not nine anymore, Eric...if we're gonna be honest I just like messin' around with Kenny when he's high. I know an orgy isn't a citrus fruit."

Cartman chuckled a bit. Butters certainly did have hidden depths to him...

"Kenny loves weed as much as he loves tits. Geez, what a horndog..."

"Well, I'm only in love with your tits..." Butters whispered sweetly before gently laying his head down.

Cartman was about to correct Butters, but then it dawned on him that Butters was genuinely complimenting him. He wouldn't start ragging on Cartman during a moment like this, like a certain ushanka-wearing ex of his.

And despite the fact that Butters smelled of Got2BSpiked and saltwater taffy, Cartman didn't mind his gesture of gayness at all.

"Hey Eric?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Why're there scars up and down your belly?"


	7. Everybody Hurts

The next day, Cartman had crutches and was back in his own house, watching tv and eating cheesy poofs. Meanwhile, Butters had a sharpie marker, worn out jeans, and burning questions he was too worried to let go of.

But when the doorbell rang, Cartman had a justified reason to yell, "Mom! Get the door!"

When Liane turned the knob, she was barely surprised to be staring into the increasingly familiar face of Butters Stotch.

Or rather, staring up to him. Liane was tall, about 5'9, but Butters was huge-6'2 and likely not finished growing. He stood there, smiling pleasantly at his boyfriend's mother. "Hey there, Mrs. Cartman-Eric's home, ain't he?"

In his hand he held a reusable bag. When Liane silently nodded and motioned inside, Butters stepped through the door and approached the adorably gluttonous object of his affections. Without a word, he sat down next to Eric. "Hey there Eric, how you doing?"

"Broken leg, whaddaya think?"

"Well, I accidentally broke your leg, but I mended your heart on purpose." Butters smiled at Eric

Eric returned the expression.

"I made you a cupcake again."

"Geez, Butters. I'm gonna go off on a limb here, but I think your gifts are as sweet as you..."

"Aww, what a nice thing to say...hey, uh, can I sign your cast?"

Cartman pursed his lips. "Why not?" He replied, sticking his leg out for Butters.

Butters gripped the marker in his left hand as he neatly swept his name onto the gauze, adding a swirl to the end of his swinging cursive 's'. "Do...you like it, Eric?"

Cartman glanced down at his cast. Right next to Butters' signature, a small heart was drawn.

"I take it back. You are sweeter than your gifts."

"But really, Eric. I'm gettin' worried about you, an' I'm not going to stop asking questions until they're all answered. How'd you get all those scars?"

Cartman sighed. "Butters, you just aren't going to shut up about this, are you?"

Butters crossed his arms defiantly. "Nope."

"I'm still not going to give you any answers."

"Wull, that's kind of immature, now, isn't it, Eric?"

"Goddamnit, Butters, you're an ambitous little shit. Alright, alright, I'll tell you. But I don't want anyone else to know what a pussy I am, so you better keep it to yourself."

"I got it, Eric."

Cartman inhaled sharply.

"You know how I was dating Kyle?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, those cuts are part of why we broke up."

"Really? He cut you up like that?"

"Well, he did it to my back, and my ass, and my stomach. But my arms...Butters, I just don't know if you'd understand."

"I'm listenin', Eric. Talk to me."

"Well, he'd..."

Cartman cut off, abruptly choking on his words as a few tears slid from the corners of his eyes.

"Oh, Eric..." Butters wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. "You can tell me anything. I'll hold you and you can cry. Right here on my shoulder."

"Well, Kyle used to have sex with me-"

"Did you want him to have sex with you?"

"Butters! Shut the fuck up, dude. I love you...but you fucking dumbass, I'm trying to answer the question you've asked me twenty times in the past two days!"

"Oh. O-okay." Butters hoisted Cartman's left leg, his good leg, up onto his lap along with the right leg.

"Thank you. Anyway, yeah, Kyle would have sex with me. I asked him to go out with me, because love is the way to solve all the shit I did when we were little, right? And he told me to come to his house after school that day..."

Cartman put his head down.

"He took my virginity."

"Really, Eric? Must've been nice to get off your back..."

"It wasn't. It really wasn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be sweet. And I at least wanted it to be by choice.

"See, Kyle always used to insult me during sex. And it wasn't playful, like BDSM. I know he really meant it. He'd call me disgusting, worthless, a wreck, a total waste of oxygen.

"And it wasn't just verbal. Kyle would scratch me up, really badly. Again, not in a fun way. He used to use a rusty fucking nail to cut my back. He dug his fingernails into my stomach and called me an ugly, disgusting, worthless freak. He never even kissed me..."

By this time, Cartman's face was red, covered in tears, and his breathing was heavy and uneven.

"He let me know that I wasn't even a person to him. I was just his meat puppet. I was powerless."

"That's just..just horrible. But what about your arms?"

"Did it to myself. I'm just an ugly, worthless, fat freak and no one li-"

"Eric, no. You're not ugly at all. In fact, I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. And you're not worthless at all. You're funny, and cute, and you're really smart!"

"I'm stupid! I can't even fucking do math! I can't do it! I failed that geometry test, in fifth grade, remember?"

"Eric, you're great at math. The teacher only flunked you 'cause he's a big meanie."

Cartman sulked. "But I've gained back almost all the weight I lost for Kyle...all the weight I lost when I stopped eating..."

"You stopped eating? But why?"

"Because I'm 275 pounds of pure sh-"

"Now, mister, I don't even wanna hear the next word out of your mouth unless it's 'perfection'."

"I'm dumpy."

"No, you're amazing. And you're cute. You're soft, and adorable, and I love cuddling you."

Butters' somewhat thin, puckered lips then met Eric's soft, pink, full lips. His eyes fluttered shut. Passionately and lovingly, he worked his tongue gently into his pudgy gumdrop boyfriend's mouth.

The kiss broke off abruptly when Liane walked downstairs, hair messy and free from it's usual bun.

And behind her, wearing a lacy negligee underneath Liane's housecoat, was Linda Stotch.

The two queer teenagers on the couch exclaimed, in unison, "MOM?!"


	8. Booty Man

"You know what...I'm not even gonna ask...you into can do what you want." Butters turned his attention back to the heavyset brunette in his lap.

"Butters...can I ask you something?"

"Anything for you, Eric..."

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Wull, to tell the truth, Eric...I kinda thought I already was..."

Now it was Cartman's turn to attack Butters' lips.

"Your mohawk is fucking sexy."

"Aww, thanks."

By this time Linda and Liane had nonchalantly backed into the kitchen for some after-sex coffee.

"Goddamn, Butters, you're sure packing one, aren't you?"

"Packing what?" Butters genuinely had no clue that Cartman was talking about his dick.

"I mean, you weren't kidding when you said you were hung like a horse...

"Oh, you're talking about my wiener..."

Cartman desperately tried not to laugh. He found it pretty funny that someone as hot as Butters could use the word wiener to mean dick.

"Yes, Butters. You'd better not destroy my ass with that thing if I'm not ready..."

"Eric, I'd never do that to you..."

"I know." Cartman leaned towards the blonde and planted a soft kiss on his collarbone. "One time...I did something really embarrassing..." he giggled.

"What'd you do?"

"I'm telling you, this wasn't intentional. Understand?"

"I get what you're saying, Eric."

"Okay...this one time, Kyle was fucking my ass, right? I...I farted. On his dick."

"Did he like it?"

"What?"

"Did he enjoy your farts?"

"Butters, why the hell would he enjoy my farts?"

"I enjoy your farts..."

"God, Butters, we have the strangest fucking conversations. You're amazing."

"I measured my wiener the other day."

A Cheshire cat grin spread across Cartman's face.

"How long is it?"

"Oh, about ten and a half inches."

Ten and a half inches! "Goddamn," Cartman's voice cracked, "Kyle's dick was only seven inches. What background do you fucking come from? I thought only black people had huge dicks."

"M-my dad's French and Scottish and German mostly, and my mom's Scandinavian and Dutch, I think-"

"Jesus Christ... my dick's only about four inches...whatever. Anyway, I wanna show you something..."

Cartman led Butters upstairs to his room. It was an irritatingly slow process due to Cartman's injury, but Butters was patient and waited for him. Cartman used his good leg to kick the door open, and swung himself into the room. "Can you wait on my bed while I get ready?"

"Of course, Eric."

Cartman walked into the closet and trusted around for a few moments, grunting a bit. Finally, he swung the doors open and...well, came out of the closet.

He was wearing a blonde wig, bikini at least three sizes too small, low rise denim booty shorts that gave him a major muffin top, and way too much cherry-scented body spray. The top of his thong rode up past the waistline, and only seemed to heighten his extreme ass-cleavage. Butters could feel his wiener gettin' hard again. He just couldn't help but stare at that perfect ass...it was just like a big mountain of pudding, hanging halfway out of his shorts. Butters liked that. And despite the broken bone, Cartman was rocking those high heels. He looked good in the bikini top, too- it's not like he needed any padding to fill it out.

"Geez, Eric...you're the sexiest person I've ever seen."

"Aww, thank you, Butters, darling." Cartman grinned, running his tongue across the top row of his teeth and tossing one end of his feathered boa across his shoulder. "Seriously. I'm hot."

Butters just nodded. "Hey, uh, Eric, c-can I touch you?"

"Why the hell not?" His pink lip gloss smile widened as he used his crutches to propel himself onto the bed. Laying on his back, he spread out his arms and winked at Butters. "Do what you want with my body..."

Butters got nervous. "Oh jeez...I didn't know you were this cute..."

"Come on, Butters...touch my body..." Cartman rang out, beckoning to Butters.

Butters gently and innocently started out by caressing his boyfriend's soft belly, which was having out of his clothing everywhere. "Is this okay?"

Cartman responded with a soft, sensual moan. "Y-yes...more..."

Butters began to slide his hand down Eric's back, reaching down to squeeze a handful of his ass. "Wow, you've got a booty, just like that song."

Cartman giggled. "That feels good... I like being pinched and grabbed if you're gonna be gentle. Y'know?"

Butters knew, and he wanted to give a few physical signs before delving into something. He casually slid off of Cartman, kneeled on the floor, and started kissing the underside of his boyfriend's stomach. When the reaction seemed positive, he forayed into licking, then softly nipped at the pale, squishy flesh. "You like that?" Butters asked after he had finished.

"It felt so different...I didn't know biting could be gentle, seriously. It's really nice..."

"That's a yes, right? 'Cause I don't wanna do anything that doesn't make you happy."

"Yes, dum-dum, I like it." Cartman giggled. This was the first time he'd felt fully happy in a long time. And he felt like sharing a secret no one else knew.

"Butters, can I show you something else?"

"Why, sure, Eric. I bet it's real interesting."

Cartman rolled over and grabbed his glasses case of of his nightstand. He popped it open and slid the ovular purple spectacles on his face.

"Do I look good?"

"Aww, you're adorable! I didn't know you wore glasses, Eric."

"I hid it for a long time because Kyle liked to tease me about that, too."

"Why did Kyle always make fun of the cutest things about you? Your softness, your glasses... everything there is that I love about you, he was a big meanie about it."

"You really think it's cute that I'm fat and nearsighted?"

"Well, yeah. There's more of you to love, right? And if you were all boring and skinny, I couldn't do this..."

Butters poked his finger into the exceedingly soft depths of Cartman's scrumptious love handles. "See? Soft and squishy."

"Uhh...yeah, okay. Anyway, Butters, I've been thinking we should go to the GSA meeting tomorrow."

"Isn't Wendy Testaburger the leader of that? I think she's still mad at me over that whole Lisa thing..."

"God, Butters. Wendy's a bitch, but not that much of a bitch. Cut her some slack. Besides, Lisa is going out with Scott Malkinson now."

"I'll go...on one condition."

"What?"

"You'll wear your glasses."

Cartman sighed. "If that's what it takes, I guess I could wear them for while..."

Butters smiled. Cartman pulled Butters down on top of himself into a hug.


	9. Platypus

Butters Stotch was looking at the last person in the world he wanted to see. The person who brought down his love, his soul mate. The person who for so long had held a grudge against the long-since reformed Eric Cartman. Not since sixth grade had he been truly nasty on the pretense of race or religion, his mother had learned of his bigotry and set to reform him. Her efforts proved efficient, and after he had figured out how wrong he was, nobody really trusted him. Behind the rude and loud facade was a sensitive, exhausted, depressed boy, and Butters understood that.

It was obvious in hindsight that Kyle hated Cartman's guts (in more ways than one) from the way he talked about or even looked at him. He had repeatedly informed the class of Cartman's secrets, little things he tried to keep secret from the world. It was Kyle who let everyone know about Cartman's affinity for transvestism. He was the source of the rumors that Cartman's penis hadn't grown since fourth grade (it had-by about two and a half inches, but it was still something). How could Butters have been so ignorant to Kyle's hateful speech about Cartman's body...every day? Calling him disgusting, talking about his stretch marks...Butters regretted not having caught on earlier.

And speak of the devil, guess who was passing by, girlfriend on his arm?

Butters' eyes were uncharacteristically narrow. He was livid, plain and simple, that anyone would dare do something of that nature to his sweet microwaved marshmallow boy Eric...who did Kyle Broflovski think he was, anyway? Heck, not even his mean ol' father would've done that! Why did Kyle have to go and make Eric so droopy and melancholic? Whatever it was, Butters wasn't gonna have any of it. He was gonna give Kyle a piece of his mind.

"Y'know, Kyle, I know exactly what you did to Eric."

"Oh god, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Kyle, what's he talking about?" Lola raised one eyebrow and glanced over at Kyle.

"I-it's nothing, babe...just something that scale-breaking ass-burglar had coming to him."

"Don't talk that way about my boyfriend! Now, I know he was mean when he was little, and I know vain people like you don't like his style, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Kyle, it hurt his feelings when you called him a 'stupid, ugly, pathetic lump of fat'. It'd hurt my feelings too! And I saw the scratches an' scars on his body, which got me really worried. You may be hot, with abs and everything, but inside, you're a total monster. You should be ashamed of yourself, mister."

Lola's mouth hung open. "Ky, is that true?"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's true. He's so gross, and he's got stretch marks all over, and if you think his ass is huge, you should see it without clothes on, you should see how huge it is without the pleasure of a cotton covering. It looks like a plastic bag stuffed too full of cottage cheese. Plus he farts everywhere, constantly...ugh, he just makes me wanna vomit. And he threw himself at me, in a desperate, gross attempt at apology...and since I needed a punching bag then, I took him for a while."

"Seriously? Kyle, I thought you were a nice guy."

Lola's red, manicured fingernails flew past Kyle's face in a whirl as she slapped him. "Call me when you're ready for therapy. My dad's a psychologist, and he can help you out with your not-so-little shallowness issue."

"Lola, wait-"

"You know my number."

Kyle furiously turned to Butters. "You. Just. Made. Me. Lose. My. Girlfriend."

"No," Butters calmly replied, "I didn't. I let you know how I feel about you, and your girlfriend was with you. But that's good, 'cause now she knows what you're like at your worst. She woulda found out eventually. And her dad's a therapist. From what Eric's told me, it'd be a good thing if you paid him a visit sometime soon."

And with that, Butters pacifistically strode to his biology class.

The rest of the day was pretty typical, until 3 o'clock came. As the final bell rang, Butters crossed the classroom to reunite with his chubby boyfriend.

"Aww, Eric, you look so cute in that sweater! It matches your glasses! And it's all soft, too."

Butters smiled and stroked Eric's back, feeling his soft pink sweater.

"This is so fucking awesome, Butters. I've been getting compliments on my glasses all day. You were right."

"You look good in everything."

"Well, we'd better go to that meeting, huh?" Cartman smiled at Butters.

Butters grinned back. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot!"

The duo walked towards the library to join the GSA.


	10. Pink Triangle

Cartman and Butters arrived slightly late to the GSA meeting. The brisk, hasty jog through the hallway had been tiring for Cartman, and his heavy, rhythmic breathing echoed throughout the room. Sweat caused his pink, fluffy sweater to cling to his chest and arms. Heads turned towards he and his boyfriend as they thrust open the door.

Wendy Testaburger looked at them in a half-confused, half-suspicious daze.

"All right, everyone, we've got a couple of important announcements today," Wendy said, flicking her lip ring with her tongue put of pure habit. "First off, a few...new members are joining us..."

Her violet eyes darted for a moment to the tall, mohawked blonde and his comparatively short boyfriend. Why were they here? What was up with Butters' hair nowadays? How much hair gel did it even take to get it to stay up? Since when did Cartman wear glasses?

"Go ahead, introduce yourselves."

Cartman, blushing behind his thick, fogged-over glasses, went first. "Well, I'm Eric Cartman, I'm gayer than springtime, I'm a crossdresser, and I honest-to-god hate the person I was as a kid."

With that, he dropped back down into his seat and looked up at Butters. Butters realized after about fifteen seconds of painfully awkward silence that it was his turn to talk.

"I'm, uh, I'm Butters. I'm bi...I hope that's okay with you fellas. Eric is my boyfriend."

Wendy's eyes widened. How had she not caught on? Of course Cartman was gay. He'd flirted with Kenny right in front of her! And he seemed awfully close to Butters...they even went to the Valentine's day dance together.

"Well, I'm sure we're all glad to have you two here today! Welcome to the GSA!" Wendy smiled and pulled out a small plastic bag. Breaking it open, she thoroughly showered the boys with confetti.

Butters smiled and waved his hands around in the confetti. Cartman shyly caught a handful.

"Now, as the rest of you know, last week we had been discussing something very prevalent and very problematic. I'm talking, naturally, about homophobia. Homophobia has plagued the human race since the beginning of time, and it's just now getting better. But we need to exterminate it from our personal environment."

Butters listened intently, but Cartman knew how he could...and would...contribute.

"I nominate...MYSELF."

"For what?" Wendy cocked her head to the side.

"To lead the fight against homophobia, dumbass."

"And how do you plan to do that?"

Cartman threw himself to the front of the room and grabbed a whiteboard marker.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and all others, I, the fantastically cool genius Eric Theodore Cartman, have the most amazing plan in all of history."

"You see, first we need to locate the homophobes' base. From there, we will attack using homemade implements: baking soda and lemon juice bombs, as we cannot afford better weaponry. My boyfriend, Butters, shall supply the supplies."

Butters looked ahead. "M-me? Why me?"

"Because your mom owns a bakery. She's gotta have lemon juice, baking soda, and empty bottles lying around somewhere. All we have to do is shake them up and throw them at the homophobes."

Wendy stood there, mouth wide open out of speechlessness. "See, Cartman, I think you misunderstood the purpose of this group."

"We're going to fight homophobia, aren't we?"

"Well, yes, but it won't be a physical fight..."

Cartman stared forward, decidedly bored out of his skull. "Are you telling me that there will be no exciting fistfights?"

"That's exactly what I am telling you."

Cartman stood up and grabbed Butters' hand. "Well, then, screw you guys, I'm going to go make out with Butters."

Butters didn't stand up.

"Butters! Come on! We're gonna ditch these losers!"

"No, Eric, I'm gonna stay and hang out with them."

"But...Butters, you can't just leave me alone."

"Eric, this is really important to me."

"You know what? You're a traitor! You're a fucking traitor, just like Kyle was! W-we're done!" Cartman ran out of the room in tears.


	11. One Week

It had been one week since Butters and Cartman had last talked.

Cartman had spent that whole week on the couch sulking. Why did he have to be do impulsive? And more importantly, why did he have to feel too guilty to apologize? He had tried to approach Butters in the hallway, but he'd ended up walking off and crying on the bathroom floor.

Butters sighed as he stared out the window of the bakery. He was back washing dishes again, and he contemplated how he could make things right with the boy he loved. He'd done the same thing for seven days, and he hadn't felt any better. He just regretted having not left to go kiss his boyfriend instead of staying at the boring meeting.

It had been five days since they'd even seen each other. Cartman had been feeling too guilty to go to school.

Butters wanted to cry, he missed his beautiful boyfriend. And two days ago, he'd come to terms with himself and fully forgiven Eric.

So that day, Butters stood on the Cartmans' doorstep, waiting for the impulse to strike. Everything seemed so meaningless to him. Was it worth screwing up?

Yes. Yes, it was certainly worth it. Butters knew Cartman was just...The One.

"Here goes..."

Butters took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Cartman was asleep on the couch, several empty ice cream containers, bags, and dirty plates scattered around him. His face was sticky and sweaty, and he hadn't showered (or really, moved anything but his arms to eat comfort food) in three days. So it was no surprise that he didn't get the door.

Liane opened it up and was surprised to see Butters on the porch. "Oh, hello, Butters. Why don't you step in? Eric's asleep right now, but he misses you a lot."

Butters sat on the couch, backpack in his lap, waiting for Cartman to wake up. It was slow waiting, so Butters cracked open his math textbook and tried to study. A cloud of dust rose up from the old tome, however, and caught Butters the wrong way.

Butters sneezed loudly.

Cartman woke up. "H-huh? Butters?"

"Eric? Oh geez, I hope you're not still mad at me..."

"Mad at you? I thought you were mad at me!"

"If I was mad at you, would I make you this?"

Butters pulled a container out of his backpack and opened it up. The strong scent of vanilla wafted out. Inside, Cartman discovered as he peeked in the container, was the moat beautiful cupcake ever made.

The icing was layered in such a way that it looked like draped cloth. One side was covered in crimson frosting, the other in a minty sea green. The center was covered by a spiky blob of sunshine yellow icing.

"Butters...this is beautiful."

"Aww, thank you, Eric."

"No, I mean it. This is the most amazing thing I've ever fucking smelled. I wanna eat it, but..."

"But what?"

Cartman sighed. "The other day, I wasn't with you, and Kyle showed up to my locker. He...he said some really shitty things to me. And he was right. I've gained another five pounds. I'm horrible."

"Why's that make you horrible?"

"Because, Butters, everyone thinks I'm hideous."

"No they don't! I think you're the most ravishing person I've ever seen..."

"Stop lying, Butters, alright? I'm superfug."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am! I only masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me consensually."

"That's not true. I'm just...well, I'd like to have sex with you. But I don't wanna hurt you, or upset you or anything..."

"Ugh. Butters, sometimes you are just too goddamn sweet. Meanwhile, I'll be going to a gathering of crackheads on Sunday."

"Is it an addiction counselling session?"

"No, it's my family reunion. In Nebraska."

"Sounds like fun!"

"It's not. All my relatives are just like me-annoying, horrible people."

"You're not a horrible person!"

"Butters. Please. I killed my father."

"Oedipus killed his father, too, and he's the protagonist!"

"Oedipus was a motherfucker. Literally. He had sex with his mother."

"Oh. Really?"

"Butters, do we even fucking take the same literature class?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"It was a rhetorical question! How the hell did we even get on this subject? Wait, don't answer that-"

Butters cut Cartman off with a passionate, open-mouthed kiss. He didn't really know how to French kiss, but he knew it involved putting your tongue in somebody's mouth.

Cartman was surprised, but not upset. It was easy to kiss someone you loved.

Butters reached up, putting one hand up onto Cartman's chest and squeezing lightly. He slowly pulled his tongue out of Eric's mouth, and moved his head back, ending the kiss. A thin, sticky thread of saliva still connected the two boys' tongues. "Are...are you okay with..." Butters glanced down at his hand, which was grazing his boyfriend's chest.

"Y-yeah...it feels kinda nice."

"Good..." Butters mumbled. "You know, I like your body a lot. It's all soft and warm, like you. And I know you're self conscious about it, but I think you look even sexier than Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lawrence put together."

Cartman planted a kiss atop Butters' one tuft of fluffy, full blonde hair. "Ugh. I'm just glad you're back with me."

"I'm glad to be with you, Eric..." Butters snuggled up to Cartman, using his soft belly as a pillow.

"Butters...you know how I have to go to that lame-ass family reunion?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Do you wanna go with me? I'm gonna have to come out to everyone sooner or later. Ya know?"

"Yeah, Eric, I know."

"Will you go with me?"

"Of course I'll go with you. Sunday's one of my off days, too, so I won't have to skip work!"

Cartman cuddled Butters contentedly.

"I love you, Butters."

"I love you too, Eric."

* * *

**author's note: Yo! It's me, Ronnie, and I swear I just broke up Buttman for a bit so I could reference a Barenaked Ladies song. Uh-huh... I'm just like that. Also, DRAMA. ANGST. YOU PEOPLE LOVE THAT, I GUESS. SO I'LL GO WITH IT. Lemme know if you wanna see something and I might stick it in here!**

**Anyway, yeah, next chapter will be pretty long if I'm gonna do what I plan to, and I also have a Scottman fic in the works, so I might be a couple days updating this. I pumped this out as quick as possible because CUTE BABBIES CAN'T BE SEPARATED YO**

**Remember, yo, feedback motivates me, so if you enjoyed/are enjoying this and want some more, drop me a line-be it PM, review, or even an email, I'll appreciate it and absolutely write you back. I ramble too much. Bluh. I've also become a beta reader. If you want me to beta for you just message me :)**

**Now move along with your life.**


	12. Fast Food

Liane stared over the royal blue frames of her driving glasses. They were about two hours away from Nebraska, and had been driving all day. "Moooooooooooooom...are we going to get there soon? It's one-thirtyyyyyyyyyy..."

"Don't worry, Eric, we'll get there soon."

Cartman turned to Butters. "I'm sorry, this car is too goddamn slow."

Butters smiled at Cartman. "It's all okay, Eric. Plus, we'll have plenty of time to make out in the car."

Cartman grinned back. "Oh, you..." he mused, then attacking his boyfriend's lips.

At that moment, Liane flicked on the stereo, and a few chords rang out."Eric, I put in your favorite CD."

Cartman giggled nervously as Peaches' "Fuck the Pain Away" chimed over the speakers.

"Oh, groovy! I love Peaches, too!" Butters began headbanging.

"Really? I didn't know you liked electroclash."

"I like it as much as pop-punk, my little windmill..." he mused, stroking his boyfriend's hair.

Cartman grinned, and unzipped his hoodie revealing his fitted pink t-shirt emblazoned with the cover of "I Feel Cream".

Cartman mindlessly mined the vocals, flawlessly matching Peaches' pitch. "Geez, Eric, how do you do that?" Butters smiled, awed at Cartman's raw talent.

"Years and years of practice. Same way you learned how to draw so well."

Butters nodded. "Oh, that's cool. Are your relatives nice?"

"No, they're a bunch of blue-collar tweaking assholes."

"Oh, well. Glad I'm here to keep you company, right?"

"Y-yeah...hey mom...can we stop at that KFC?"

"Of course, hon! I bet you're hungry..."

"Yeah, I'm so hungry..."

Liane swerved over to the exit, pulling off and straight into the KFC parking lot.

The trio got out of the car. They walked into the restaurant and up to the counter. Cartman leaned forwards, balancing himself on the heels of his hands, and began rattling off his order. "I want an 8-piece basket, all legs, and mashed potatoes with gravy on the side. Gimme a large fountain drink with that, too. Hey Butters, what're you gonna have?"

The cashier smirked. "What, you're not gonna share your huge basket with those two?"

Cartman stared at the cashier. "I eat what I want, when I want. Ya got that?"

He was taken aback, to say the least. "Wow. Uh, yeah, I-I got that."

"Good." Cartman stood back, listening to Butters' order. "I'll have a snack-sized order of popcorn chicken, a-an' a small fry..."

Cartman closed his eyes. He could listen to Butters read the phone book and it would still sound sweet and comforting.

After the three had gotten their food, they slid into a booth, Butters taking Cartman's crutches and resting them against the side of the table. Cartman tore the lid off the KFC bucket and dug into his meal, while Butters smiled and watched him eat for a while before starting on his own meal. The way Eric chewed was inexplicably mesmerizing. Butters thought he looked adorable.

After swallowing his bite of popcorn chicken, Butters held a fry up to Cartman's lips. Cartman opened his mouth and let Butters feed him. It felt so nice not to have to use his arms while eating. For Butters, doing all the work was fun. He focused on the curve of Eric's hips, the softness of his belly. At that moment, they were the only two people in the world, and neither had a problem with that. Each tuft of Butters' mohawk was pointing towards the sky, and that's where Butters' happiness was reaching, too. "You know, I like feeding you..."

Cartman blushed. He liked being fed-his mom fed him instead of letting him do it himself, most of the time! But when Butters did it, it was more than just out of laziness. With Butters, everything seemed like it was a gesture of love. And Cartman honestly craved love from someone from whom it wasn't necessarily expected (like his mother).

"Butters, I love you."

"Aww, how sweet!" Liane chimed, having watched the lovebirds for about five minutes in silence.

"Mom, let me finish!" Cartman whined. "I love you, so I'm gonna warn you that this food gives me the world's worst gas, and you are gonna wanna open the car windows after we get back on the road."

* * *

**author's note: It's Ronnie (as usual) and I honestly procrastinated for uncomfortably fingertips of time. Sorry about that, I'll be updating again by Friday, I promise!**

**Now get on with your life. Or at least go watch FLCL. My writing is not worth your time.**


	13. My Whole Family

Butters stepped into the grass, under the banner reading "35th annual Cartman Family Reunion-Omaha, Nebraska". "Oh geez...this is gonna be fun!" Butters exclaimed, spreading his arms out. Eric trailed behind him, eyes glancing off to the side. The last time he'd had to see these nutjobs was when he was twelve, and even then it wasn't by choice. Liane had to carry him to and from the car. Family reunions were never his favorite events. But at least he didn't have to dress up like a mailman...

He trudged through the murk and weeds, up to his somewhat estranged cousin Elvin. "Heyyyyyy, Eric! What's been on going on the past...what's it been, three years?"

Cartman rolled his eyes. Was Elvin just like him? And by transitive property, was he this latently gay at age nine? Meh, probably. "Well, Elvin, I've been doing a lot lately. In fact, I have someone I'd like you to meet."

Taking a deep breath, Cartman rested his hand on Butters' shoulder. "This is my boyfriend, Butters."

"YOU'RE GAY?"

"Yes, Elvin, I am indeed gay. I'm so gay, because I'm loved by my wonderful boyfriend. I'm also homosexual."

Elvin busted out laughing. "Hahaha, you're gay! You guys, check this out, Eric's gay!"

"Seriously? Hey, Alexandra, guess what? Eric's gay!"

"Really? I knew it!" Alexandra jogged over to the boys. "Is that your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's pretty amazing."

Butters blushed as he heard the compliment. "Aww, thanks. Anyway, I'm Butters, and it's nice to meet ya." He held his hand out, and she shook it.

"So where's the food?"

Liane set down a dish on the picnic table. "It's right over here, poopsikins."

"Sweet." Elvin and Eric shouted at the same time.

"Butters, come on, we've gotta get to the food!" Cartman grabbed Butters' hand and dashed for the table. Thrusting his hand onto the pile of paper plates, he picked one up and piled on some cheesy poofs.

At that moment, he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder. "What?" Cartman swiveled around, only to find his aunt Lisa behind him.

"Eric, I made you a hat!" She held up a knit beanie, not unlike the hat her nephew was currently wearing. In fact, the only glaring difference were the fluffy, brown cat ears on each side.

"Oh, Eric, that's adorable!" Butters clutched his boyfriend's shoulders and snatched the hat from Lisa's manicured fingers. He knocked Eric's knit cap off his head and replaced it with Lisa's creation.

Eric grinned and purred, stroking the eyelash yarn. He thought about Mr. Kitty. God, he missed that cat. When he was in seventh grade, he came home to a suspiciously quiet house. His pet had passed away that day. Cartman could remember crying, but then grabbing the box his mom's boots came in and relieving himself of the sad sight. Liane had helped him paint the headstone. Kitty's grave was still in his backyard, under the tree.

"Eric, why are you crying?" Butters' mouth dropped into a worried frown.

"N-nothing, Butters. I just thought about Mr. Kitty...that goddamn cat was always stealing my food. I loved her."

"Man, I hate it when my goddamn pets steal my food!" Elvin said in an attempt to empathize.

"Speaking of food, I want some."

A battle cry of "kick-ass!" rang though the crowd of Cartmen. (In the style of Tara Gillespie, **AN: Yes, I believe Cartmen is the plural of Cartman.)**

* * *

Here you go! Sorry it's so ridiculously short. Christ on a cracker, why can't I write long scenes that aren't Butters and Cartman on the couch making out?


	14. Face Down

"Hey, Eric, I like your top!" Butters pulled on a piece of glittery fringe. "It looks really nice with the skirt."

"Thanks, Butters..." Cartman blushed, still not used to being treated so nice. He'd been contemplating whether or not he should go out in public in girl's clothing. But after Butters told him that he looked so beautiful, he felt confident enough to go through with it. And he could finally go to the mall and shop, now that his cast was off.

They stood on Bebe Stevens' doorstep. She had excitedly agreed to do Cartman's hair and makeup for the day. Slowly, Butters reached up to ring the doorbell.

Bebe answered the door almost immediately. "Hey guys," she said, holding up her makeup chest and grinning, "are you ready for a makeover?"

Cartman beamed. "Glitter me up, Bebe."

The three walked inside and settled down around the coffee tables. "So first," Bebe instructed, "you're gonna need to clean off your face. Trust me, everything will go on smoother if you've just cleaned up." She smiled and handed him a wet cloth. He took it and wiped himself of any grease lingering around his mouth. Sausage was kind of a messy breakfast.

Bebe was pleased. "Fantastic! Now, I've got a few shades of foundation. I ran over to Walgreens and picked some up after you told me you wanted my help in beautifying yourself." She set out a row of bottles, ranging from a pale porcelain to a deep tan. Cartman compared each to his inner wrist until he found the correct shade. "This one," he said, handing her the bottle.

She covered his face with the pasty cosmetic.

After it had gone from damp to dry, she opened her makeup case and popped up a row of lipsticks. "Pick a shade, any shade." She waved her hand over the set.

Cartman snagged a shocking blood-red. "I want this one!"

Bebe smiled. "That's the perfect color for your complexion." She coated his lips in the bright crimson gloss. The color accentuated their thickness, adding to his femininity.

He smiled back. "What's next?"

Bebe grabbed a bottle of purple liquid eyeliner. "We're gonna try a cat's eye, that'll go best with your eye shape."

Cartman nodded. He'd always loved seeing his mom's winged eyeliner. He wished he could do that. "Go ahead." He closed his eyes.

Bebe painted onto his eyelids, first outlining the wings then filling them in. "Don't open your eyes yet, you have to let it dry."

Cartman groaned as Butters spoke up again, "So your college courses-how are they going?"

Bebe smiled. "God, they're amazing. I'm learning so much."

Bebe had been taking college-level courses in marine biology for double-credit.

"That's good to hear," Butters replied. He was interested in Bebe and all, but he was so excited about going to the mall.

"Okay," Bebe instructed, "I think your eyeliner should be dry by now. Have fun, you two!"

Cartman and Butters made their way out the door.

After arriving at the mall and shopping for about two hours, Cartman had to use the washroom. The only issue was, he'd been referred to as "ma'am" multiple times. After thinking it over for a while, he decided to take the plunge and duck into the men's room.

He scuffled into the last stall and went as fast as possible before almost leaving without washing his hands. Hygiene was important... But what if someone saw him? He decided on a quick rinse and nothing more. But as he was running his hands under the water, he felt an uncomfortably hard tap on his shoulder. "Hey, Cartman."

A chill ran down his spine as he recognized the voice. "K-Kyle?"

"Your boyfriend," Kyle growled through gritted teeth, "told my girlfriend about our little affair. And then she left me. You're gonna pay."

Cartman's breathing got heavier as Kyle grabbed the hem of his skirt and began to pull it down. He was in shocked silence. Kyle ran his fingernails down Cartman's inner thigh before pulling his underwear to the side. "You know, you almost look good as a girl. If you weren't so fat, I'd find you attractive."

Tears welled up in Cartman's eyes. He was half naked, lying on the bathroom floor, and Kyle had one hand on his throat and the other on his leg...or rather in his leg. Kyle's fingernails were pretty deep into his skin at this point, and he could feel the blood running down in pools. Kyle had quite literally just added insult to injury. Cartman tried to breathe in, but couldn't to his avail, and choked uncomfortably. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see what Kyle would do next.

And at that moment, Cartman heard a loud thump above him.

He opened one eye. "Kyle?"

"Not anymore," came the snarky reply.

Cartman opened both his eyes as he recognized the voice. "Kenny!"

"That's my name."

"You saved me!" Cartman cried out like the distressed princess in a clichéd fantasy novel.

"I know."

"Why are you even here?"

"Because Karen's birthday is coming up and I'm not about to skip out on giving her a gift."

"Did you kill Kyle?"

"No. I know how to knock out a guy without killing him," Kenny explained, "not that it's going to help me."

Cartman stood up and pulled his clothes back into place. "Thanks, Ken."

Butters popped into the bathroom. "You fellas okay?" He inquired.

"Yeah, Butters, we're fine."

"What about Kyle?"

"He's not dead." Kenny assured Butters.

"Are you sure?" Butters held his empty soda bottle up to Kyle's mouth. When he saw it fog up, he shrugged and tossed it aside.

"You okay, Cartman?" Kenny asked.

Cartman was silent.

"Can we talk somewhere else?"

The two blondes nodded and followed him off to the family bathroom.

After he relayed his experience to Butters, he was in tears once again. This really frustrated Butters. "He did that? Well, I oughta go right back in that bathroom an'-"

"Butters, calm down. He's probably out cold still. We should just leave."

Together, the trio made their way out of the mall and into Kenny 's car.

"Do you want to talk about it, Eric?" Butters asked again.

"No, I don't wanna talk about it! It was scary and it's not like it was the first time. He's carried it all the way out in the school bathroom before."

"Oh, Eric..." Butters mused and wiped his boyfriend's face of any tears. "We should tell the principal."

"I'm not going to do it."

"Then I will."

Kenny just blinked in disbelief.


	15. My World

One Monday in mid-May, Kenny McCormick loomed over Butters' lunch tray. "I see you're eating cherries today..."

"Yeah, I am. They're sweet and good for me, too!" He grinned.

"Speaking of cherries, have you tapped that ass yet?" He nudged Cartman's chest. "You lucky bastard, you get to slap those titties around all you want."

"Shut the fuck up, Kenny!" Cartman pulled himself up over the table. He wasn't really wild about sex anymore, after Kyle had done all that he had done. And what about all of his mom's boyfriends? They all seemed to leave after she'd slept with them but once. "No, we haven't had sex."

"Don't ya wanna, though?" Kenny cocked an eyebrow. He thought everyone liked fucking.

"Well, Eric's leg has been hurt up til now, didn't you know? And at the mall..."

"Didn't you tell the principal?"

"I know. But the principal never did anything about Kyle. He didn't even believe me..." Butters muttered wistfully.

"Pfft. He's a douche, anyway..."

Cartman just stared silently at his lunch.

"Oh, that reminds me, Eric. I got you something." Butters pulled a cupcake out of his lunch bag and handed it to his boyfriend.

"No thanks."

"B-but why not? You love cupcakes..."

"Kyle calls me fat all the time, and he's right. I'm disgusting..."

Butters pulled closer to Cartman. "Well, yeah, you're fat. But you're also good at photography, and you're warm, and-and you're really sexy..."

"I'm not sexy."

"Yes, you are. And if you wanted, I'd...well, I'd do some not-so-clean things to you. If you wanted..."

"You're just being nice."

Kenny interjected, "No, dude. Butters is hot for you. He's got a total boner for your ass, and he wants to fuck it."

Butters nodded. "Yeah. And I love you..."

Eric took a bite of the cupcake and started to cry. "I want to, but I'm afraid you'd leave...they all leave..."

"What? I'd never leave you! Do you not trust me?" Butters worried, tearing up a bit himself.

"Of course I trust you! I'm just afraid Kyle will so something..."

"Eric, I know your secret. I know what you're capable of. Go ahead and use it."

"I can't get it that wide again..."

"I believe you can..."

"Help me?"

In a few minutes, Cartman was standing on top of Kyle's lunch table, and Butters was fisting his ass.

"Go commit your depraved sex acts somewhere else, lardbutt." Kyle scoffed.

At that moment, Butters pulled Cartman's ass apart. His anus began to open up, and he farted passionately, blowing Kyle up against the lunchroom wall. "You'd better not mess with him again." Butters screeched.

Everyone ran out of the lunchroom. The toxic smell was far too strong for them to handle. Only Butters stayed.

"You know, I think it's really cute when you fart..." Butters smiled, poking at Eric's belly playfully.

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah, your farts are sexy..." he moaned, snuggling up to Cartman.

"I love you, Butters, no matter how weird you are."

"I love you too, Eric. Well, I know we're only fifteen, but... I've gotta ask. Will you ma-?"

Before Butters could pop the pretty question and whip out the diamond ring, the windowed wall of the cafeteria was shattered and a monstrous black and white creature made a dramatic entrance.

"I am a fucking puffin."

And indeed, he was a fucking puffin.

"Why are you here?" Butters demanded.

"I am here to avenge the death of one Kyle Abraham Moses David Mark Joshua Matthew Broflovski. He was killed by a massive fart. A fart so large," the puffin explained, "that it could have caused earthquakes."

"That's Kyle's full name?"

"Of course. Or rather, it was. But now it is not, for he has been killed by your HORRIBLE FART!"

Kyle sat up. "No, guardian, I am fine, for I have built up a tolerance to Cartman and his rancid farts. But I feel my work here in South Park has concluded. Farewell, friends."

The puffin gasped in joy, as Kyle was living and breathing. "You see, boys, I am the reincarnation of Kurt Cobain, only as a space puffin. And the Broflovskis are simply a family of aliens posing as Ashkenazi Jews. Now that the Fart Of Destiny has struck Kyle, his hair will turn to gold, the Broflovski will return to Ruspolgeria, and all of the weird-ass shit that goes down in this town will end."

Kyle removed his ushanka and spread his arms apart. The red curls of his hair expanded, and became solid gold. With this gold, Kyle arose, and mounted his puffin. The two ascended.

Butters moaned. "Oh Eric...now that Kyle's gone, can we make love?"

"Of course." Cartman got down on his hands and knees, and spread his ass apart. Butters whipped it out, rolled on a condom, lubed it up, and wend in for the kill.

"Oh god... yeah, Butters, right there...yes, yes, go in further..." Cartman moaned out, grinding against Butters. Butters smiled at the thought that he was making his beloved Eric feel so good.

"Butters...spank me..."

Butters was reluctant. He didn't want to hurt Eric, but he wanted it...

Butters gave Cartman's behind a light slap with one hand as the other reached up towards his chest. He tweaked Eric's nipple, gently twisting it a bit and adoring the moans he elicited.

"Yeah, Butters...it feels so nice...ugh..."

Butters thrust harder, feeling pretty good himself. The tightness of Eric's ass felt amazing. He pounded passionately against Cartman's prostate, moaning loudly.

"F-fuck...I'm so...I'm gonna..." Eric moaned out, breaths speeding up.

A pulp of semen began spurting from his penis. "Oh jeez, Eric...your happy goo is coming out..." Butters grinned, as his own "happy goo" spurted out, filling the condom.

"How'd you learn to fuck so good, Butters?" Cartman gasped between post-coital moans.

Butters grinned stupidly, not knowing how Eric would react. "Well, Scott Malkinson and I watch some porno videos together...and Kenny showed me once."

"Kenny did WHAT?" Cartman shrieked, absolutely livid.

"Well, once he put his wiener in my butt and showed me how sex happens. And then I did it for him. And he said, well, he said that I was pretty darn good at it."

Cartman, not caring that he was naked and jizz was running out of his ass, marched down to Kenny's home ec class. "You fucked my boyfriend."

"Oh, come on, titty boy, I fucked everyone at one time or another. And that includes you. I said it was a sympathy fuck, but you know how I love boobs...and you're a c cup..."

Cartman didn't care if he'd ducked Kenny before, Butters was his and his alone. And since Kenny would come back and he knew it, plus everyone would forget, he pulled the scythe from behind his ear and chopped Kenny into 666 pieces. "Goodnight."

With that, he ran off, taking Butters' hand. They ran off into the sunset, hiding in a cave until midnight. After everything reset, Kenny came back to life and the boys returned home.

-~°fin°~-


	16. The End

Eric Cartman and Butters Stotch, despite their differences and occasional bickering, lived very happily as a couple for the rest of their lives. They got married not at age fifteen, but rather three years after Butters graduated medical school. He became a very successful doctor. Eric attended a liberal arts college, earning a bachelor's degree but dropping out to pursue his love of photography. He ended up working for the newspaper, photographing the Rocky Mountains for various magazines, and winning awards for his work.

No one ever spoke of Kyle Broflovski or his puffin again. It is, in fact, believed that not even Cartman and Butters remember the incident happening. Kyle and his family did return to Ruspolgeria on their penguin, and lived a happy live there amongst other Ruspolgerians.

Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger eventually wed, adopting two children from Uganda and spreading awareness for human and animal rights alike.

Kenny McCormick moved out of his house at age seventeen alongside his sister Karen, taking up residence at his brother Kevin's apartment until he could afford to attend college. He did, and received a degree in writing. He became an author of erotic fiction.

Bebe became a makeup artist in Hollywood. Clyde handled wardrobe design on his wife's movies.

Everyone was pretty goddamn happy. Except for the guy who had to reconstruct the lunchroom after the puffin destroyed it.


End file.
